Veeping's back in its good old quiet ways

With the departure of Jagdeep 'dhamaka', and Maharashtra guv C P 'Who?' Radhakrishnan as BJP parliamentary board's Chosen One for the post, veeping - the condition of being vice-president - should return to where it belongs: seen, but no heard. Let's be honest: veeps are the human equivalent of the 'close door' button in elevators - comforting, but ornamental. They exist in a strange political purgatory: important enough to have their names be remembered for civil service exams, but too irrelevant to remember off the top of one's head, especially when you also have to remember who the president is.

The veep's job description is a masterclass in ambiguity: attend state functions, smile at foreign trips - but less broadly than the president. If and when veeps do speak, it's usually to say something so carefully neutral, it could be printed on a beige wallpaper.

PMs must be articulate, and occasionally shouty. But veeps are the political equivalent of elevator muzak - inoffensive, vaguely reassuring, and best kept at low volume. And, yet, every election cycle, we pretend the VP pick is a seismic event. So, it's best to embrace the truth while maintaining the show.

Vice-presidents are ceremonial bonsai trees - pruned, polished, and best admired from a respectful distance. Let them wave, smile. But for form's sake, let them stay delightfully silent.