Hilaria Baldwin sat on her bathroom floor crying and 'wanted to be dead' after accent criticism

Hilaria Baldwin has confessed to having felt she 'wanted to be dead' amidst the backlash she experienced regarding her Spanish roots.

The 41 year old yoga guru married film star Alec Baldwin, 67, in 2012 and was born in Boston, Massachusetts. Despite her US birthplace, Hilaria's upbringing involved spending numerous childhood days in Spain and growing up in a household where both English and Spanish were spoken, giving her fluency in both languages.

However, when accusations surfaced that she was 'faking' her capacity to fluidly interchange between American English and Spanish, self-doubt about her own intelligence ensued.

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Comedian Amy Schumer's cutting remarks, featured in her show, did little but add salt to the wound, zeroing in on Hilaria's accent and even making quips about the growing Baldwin brood and their unique names.

In her forthcoming book, 'Manual Not Included', she touches on this deeply personal struggle in an excerpt shared by People magazine, admitting: "Now, I know that it's ridiculous that anyone would feel outraged or amused because someone forgot a word. Can you be honest right now, reading this: Have you ever forgotten a word? But back then, I started to really unravel. I was confused.", reports .

Hilaria Baldwin opened up about a tough period in her life, candidly sharing: "I felt lost. I missed my family. I couldn't eat. I got very thin. I started to question my sanity. I started to question if I was a good person. I returned to what I used to do as a child, and started to call myself stupid. When I woke up, I wanted to be dead. And I got worse and worse and worse."

The star, who appeared on the reality show The Baldwins with her husband, showcasing their bustling household of children Carmen, 11, Rafael, nine, Leonardo, eight, Romeo, six, Eduardo and María Lucía, both four, and two year old Ilaria, described feeling overwhelmed during an emotionally raw moment. She recalled nights spent sitting on her bathroom floor, crying while talking to her brother.

During these vulnerable conversations, Hilaria would break down and discuss her heartache over the controversy surrounding her cultural identity and accent. She recounted how she'd 'cry' to her brother on the phone about the ordeal, attributing the harsh focus on her to the ennui of pandemic lockdowns.

She further elaborated: "I'd sit on my bathroom floor, nursing my baby Edu at 3 a.m., and speak to my brother in Spain, and I'd cry to him, nauseous about it all. He'd try to lighten things up by saying, 'Can we just stop for a second and talk about how nonsensical this is?'"

"'You're speaking to me in Spain, where I've lived for most of my life, in Spanish, about the validity of our connection to Spain. No one is really offended -it's COVID, and they are home alone and bored, and there is so much misinformation.'"

Hilaria candidly discussed her bilingual lifestyle in an episode of the reality series that aired on TLC and is now available for streaming on Max. Throughout the episode, she can be seen effortlessly transitioning between Spanish and English as she expresses her desire to maintain a bilingual environment at home.

At one point, she shares with viewers: ""I want to teach my kids pride in speaking more than one language. I think just growing up and speaking two languages is extremely special.

I love English, I also love Spanish, and when I mix the two it doesn't make me inauthentic, and when I mix the two, that makes me normal."

The Baldwins is streaming on Discovery+.